February 2012
13 posts
1 tag
Feb 29th
324 notes
All quotes are now categorized by character!
Check out the sidebar and click on a character to see all their quotes posted. Also, feel free to submit your favorites!
Feb 28th
1 note
1 tag
Feb 15th
55 notes
1 tag
Feb 14th
10,397 notes
1 tag
Feb 13th
57 notes
1 tag
Feb 12th
15 notes
2 tags
Feb 11th
104 notes
2 tags
Feb 10th
104 notes
4 tags
Feb 9th
988 notes
2 tags
Feb 8th
161 notes
1 tag
Feb 7th
311 notes
1 tag
Feb 6th
68 notes
January 2012
0 posts
Jan 31st
6,925 notes
December 2011
2 posts
Dec 6th
605 notes
1 tag
Dec 1st
4,156 notes
November 2011
16 posts
2 tags
Nov 16th
3,127 notes
2 tags
Nov 15th
174 notes
3 tags
Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.
Nov 14th
27 notes
2 tags
Nov 13th
37,131 notes
3 tags
Nov 12th
6,803 notes
2 tags
“Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw....”
– Peter Griffin
Nov 11th
31 notes
2 tags
Nov 10th
15,318 notes
2 tags
Nov 9th
117 notes
3 tags
Lois: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?
Nov 8th
49 notes
3 tags
Nov 7th
68 notes
2 tags
Nov 6th
121 notes
2 tags
“I don’t want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying...”
Nov 5th
37 notes
2 tags
Nov 4th
63 notes
2 tags
Nov 3rd
4,784 notes
2 tags
“Oh, I must give you my e-mail address. It’s loismustdie@yahoo.com.”
– Stewie Griffin
Nov 3rd
5 notes
1 tag
Submit your fave Family Guy quotes! →
Nov 3rd
1 note
May 2011
1 post
2 tags
May 8th
16,615 notes
February 2011
1 post
1 tag
Feb 25th
175 notes
January 2011
1 post
1 tag
Jan 11th
June 2010
1 post
1 tag
Jun 15th
428 notes
May 2010
1 post
2 tags
May 12th
587 notes
February 2010
1 post
2 tags
Feb 27th
423 notes
January 2010
2 posts
5 tags
Lois (as Leia): I love you.
Peter (as Han): Fuck off.
Jan 27th
11 notes
1 tag
Jan 16th
319 notes
October 2009
3 posts
1 tag
Brian: Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?
Oct 22nd
1 note
1 tag
Oct 11th
2 tags
Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
Oct 5th
September 2009
4 posts
2 tags
Lois: [phone rings] Hello?
Peter: I cant take the trash out today im working late at the office.
Peter: The called ID says your calling from the kitchen. In fact I can see you.
Peter: Can you see me now?
Lois: No.
Peter: Now I am at the office.
Sep 15th
14 notes
1 tag
[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.
Sep 14th
2 tags
Lois: Honey, what do you say we uh...christen these new sheets, huh?
Peter: Why Lois Griffin, you naughty girl.
Lois: Hehehe...that's me.
Peter: You dirty hustler.
Lois: Hehehehe...
Peter: You filthy, stinky prostitute.
Lois: Aha, ok I get it...
Peter: You foul, venereal disease carrying, street walking whore.
Lois: Alright, that's enough!
Sep 14th
15 notes
1 tag
Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.
Sep 3rd
5 notes
August 2009
17 posts
1 tag
Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Peter: Sarah...Is that the one we videotaped taking a dump?
Aug 29th
3 notes
Submit your favorite quotes! →
Aug 23rd
3 tags
Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighter.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.
Aug 23rd
47 notes
2 tags
(Lois walks in on Stewie torturing a kid)
Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.
Aug 18th
7 notes