• Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
  • Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
  • Peter: Oh yeah.



“

Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please save our dog.

— Peter Griffin



  • Lois: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
  • Peter: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?



hogwarts-hipsters:

Alan Rickman’s Answering Machine


“

I don’t want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things like ‘I told you so’ or ‘Stop doing that I’m asleep’.

—



“

Oh, I must give you my e-mail address. It’s loismustdie@yahoo.com.

— Stewie Griffin