•  [Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
  • Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.

  • Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

  • Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?
  • Meg : No.
  • Quagmire: Awww right.

  • Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
  • Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
  • Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
  • Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
  • Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
  • Quagmire: Fifty bucks.